If you're anything like me, you may be wondering what is conscious uncoupling is. When I first heard the term, I had absolutely no idea what it meant.
Conscious uncoupling is pretty much a nice way of saying ''divorce''. It is widely associated with Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin, as they used the term when they divorced. Apparently she talks about it a lot in her hippy-dippy lifestyle magazine, Goop, which I have never read. She gets a lot of slack for weird things in Goop, like recommending women insert yoni eggs into their nether-region and all other kinds of weird stuff. In her defense, I did give myself a few yoni steam baths with herbs and it did feel pretty nice pampering my special area. Although I did find myself giggling for months afterward every time I used oregano...
Anyway, she may be a bit out there, but may actually be on to something with this whole conscious uncoupling thing. They basically have remained best friends, co-parent together, take trips together, attend school events together, and even sleep over each other's houses sometimes, like on holidays or the kid's birthdays. I think that sounds really nice, and I think based upon my husband and I's ease with one another that would be totally do-able for us. Especially since the baby is only 1. One! He will never have a memory of us as a family if we don't make this conscious uncoupling concept work, so I think we are going to go for it. It isn't fair to our children otherwise, and we don't hate each other or anything. It's not as if he has been sleeping with the babysitter, or I have been having a sordid love affair with the pool boy behind the cabana. (We don't have a pool boy or a cabana. Or even a pool. I think I saw that on a t.v. show once). When it comes to my husband, we simply just aren't in love with each other anymore.
Last night it was decided we would go ahead and just get a divorce rather than separate. It was just delaying the inevitable otherwise. He has already spoken to an attorney and everything, all by himself. It is uncontested, so should be pretty straight-forward. I think we are meeting with them in the next few days, as it takes 31 days and I really wanted to have my maiden name restored in time for me to start my new job, renew my driver's license, and get my new passport. I am not asking for alimony or anything, all I have want is a small down payment to purchase my new house with, and a bit of money for a savings account, in case the hot water heater breaks or I need brakes for my car or a root canal or something. He earns well over double what I make, and I did work full time for half of our marriage contributing financially to our home. If he thought I was walking away penniless after 11 years of marriage, he was fucking crazy.
So, we have settled the financial aspect, and in terms of custody our children will stay with him Sunday and Monday nights, possibly Tuesdays, and every other Saturday. I want to go out with my girlfriends on my free Saturday nights, be able to wear something nice and drink a glass of Chardonnay and have a chat. Actually, I really like this place in Atlanta called Doctor Bombay's Underwater Tea Party, where they have eclectic furniture and floor-to-ceiling books and games. I would love to go there and just drink tea and eat scones and play Connect Four, but not many people I know like to do that kind of stuff. Too boring, I guess. But that would be a dream Saturday night for me. Either way, I'd like to go somewhere kind of girly, without too many men around. I've heard from some divorced friends that men tend to circle like vultures around their prey when they hear a woman's newly divorced, especially men the woman actually knows in real life. They come out of the woodwork. I am not sure why, I would think most men would prefer a lady with no ex-husband or kids or anything like that.
I talked about it with my divorced friend from the cancer world, who is absolutely gorgeous. I believe she has not had sex in the two years since she and her ex split up. She calls herself a ''Re-virginized 30-Something.'' That will be me soon; A re-virginized 30-something.
I have already decided I am not having sex ever again. Nope, not doing it. I am holding out for sweet, passionate, unbridled, earth-shattering, ethereal love making, and nothing less. I deserve nothing less. I don't care if it takes me years, it will be worth the wait. The best things in life always are.
I thought about other ways to physically pleasure myself in the meantime, but none seem appealing to me. I even thought about going into one of those adult superstores like Starship and buying myself something. You could do it online, but I can't even manage to buy shoes that fit correctly online, let alone, well, you know.
I have heard that when you go into someplace like Starship they recommend types for your body. I am kind of petite, so I figured I would go for a mid-size. The idea of going into Starship, where creepy men buy edible underwear and pineapple lube made me feel like a total perv. What's the deal with pineapple lube, anyway?
It occurred to me, though, that I think, from watching movies, that all of those devices make noise. I would be too nervous hearing a buzzing sound and feeling a mechanical vibration to ever fully relax enough to enjoy myself. Plus, knowing me, I would accidentally hurt myself in some way and end up in the ER with some bizarre injury and the medical staff would talk about me for years, saying stuff like, ''Hey, remember that woman that came in here that time! Wow, what a freak''. I am really not very good with devices; at nearly 35 years old I still struggle to use a can opener sometimes.
Penetration is over-rated anyway. So over-rated. I'll take the quintessential ''O'' any day; it's fast, easy, doesn't require batteries, and can be done the old fashioned way. I like things that are done the old fashioned way, like baking cakes and making lemonade and sewing things. And pleasuring myself.
Are you blushing right now? Sorry. Don't be embarrassed, we are all adults here, having a mature, adult conversation.
Speaking of, divorcees and/or single mothers and co-parents, what say you? Any guidance? Any advice? Please, I beg of you, bestow your wisdom upon me. I am about to embark in uncharted waters, and could really use some encouragement from people who have walked this path before me.
Much love. XO
''You can't start a fire, worried about your little world falling apart''. -Link below to ''Dancing in the Dark'', Lauren O'Connell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xm1CLkbIOk
Conscious uncoupling is pretty much a nice way of saying ''divorce''. It is widely associated with Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin, as they used the term when they divorced. Apparently she talks about it a lot in her hippy-dippy lifestyle magazine, Goop, which I have never read. She gets a lot of slack for weird things in Goop, like recommending women insert yoni eggs into their nether-region and all other kinds of weird stuff. In her defense, I did give myself a few yoni steam baths with herbs and it did feel pretty nice pampering my special area. Although I did find myself giggling for months afterward every time I used oregano...
Anyway, she may be a bit out there, but may actually be on to something with this whole conscious uncoupling thing. They basically have remained best friends, co-parent together, take trips together, attend school events together, and even sleep over each other's houses sometimes, like on holidays or the kid's birthdays. I think that sounds really nice, and I think based upon my husband and I's ease with one another that would be totally do-able for us. Especially since the baby is only 1. One! He will never have a memory of us as a family if we don't make this conscious uncoupling concept work, so I think we are going to go for it. It isn't fair to our children otherwise, and we don't hate each other or anything. It's not as if he has been sleeping with the babysitter, or I have been having a sordid love affair with the pool boy behind the cabana. (We don't have a pool boy or a cabana. Or even a pool. I think I saw that on a t.v. show once). When it comes to my husband, we simply just aren't in love with each other anymore.
So, we have settled the financial aspect, and in terms of custody our children will stay with him Sunday and Monday nights, possibly Tuesdays, and every other Saturday. I want to go out with my girlfriends on my free Saturday nights, be able to wear something nice and drink a glass of Chardonnay and have a chat. Actually, I really like this place in Atlanta called Doctor Bombay's Underwater Tea Party, where they have eclectic furniture and floor-to-ceiling books and games. I would love to go there and just drink tea and eat scones and play Connect Four, but not many people I know like to do that kind of stuff. Too boring, I guess. But that would be a dream Saturday night for me. Either way, I'd like to go somewhere kind of girly, without too many men around. I've heard from some divorced friends that men tend to circle like vultures around their prey when they hear a woman's newly divorced, especially men the woman actually knows in real life. They come out of the woodwork. I am not sure why, I would think most men would prefer a lady with no ex-husband or kids or anything like that.
I talked about it with my divorced friend from the cancer world, who is absolutely gorgeous. I believe she has not had sex in the two years since she and her ex split up. She calls herself a ''Re-virginized 30-Something.'' That will be me soon; A re-virginized 30-something.
I thought about other ways to physically pleasure myself in the meantime, but none seem appealing to me. I even thought about going into one of those adult superstores like Starship and buying myself something. You could do it online, but I can't even manage to buy shoes that fit correctly online, let alone, well, you know.
I have heard that when you go into someplace like Starship they recommend types for your body. I am kind of petite, so I figured I would go for a mid-size. The idea of going into Starship, where creepy men buy edible underwear and pineapple lube made me feel like a total perv. What's the deal with pineapple lube, anyway?
It occurred to me, though, that I think, from watching movies, that all of those devices make noise. I would be too nervous hearing a buzzing sound and feeling a mechanical vibration to ever fully relax enough to enjoy myself. Plus, knowing me, I would accidentally hurt myself in some way and end up in the ER with some bizarre injury and the medical staff would talk about me for years, saying stuff like, ''Hey, remember that woman that came in here that time! Wow, what a freak''. I am really not very good with devices; at nearly 35 years old I still struggle to use a can opener sometimes.
Penetration is over-rated anyway. So over-rated. I'll take the quintessential ''O'' any day; it's fast, easy, doesn't require batteries, and can be done the old fashioned way. I like things that are done the old fashioned way, like baking cakes and making lemonade and sewing things. And pleasuring myself.
Are you blushing right now? Sorry. Don't be embarrassed, we are all adults here, having a mature, adult conversation.
Speaking of, divorcees and/or single mothers and co-parents, what say you? Any guidance? Any advice? Please, I beg of you, bestow your wisdom upon me. I am about to embark in uncharted waters, and could really use some encouragement from people who have walked this path before me.
Much love. XO
''You can't start a fire, worried about your little world falling apart''. -Link below to ''Dancing in the Dark'', Lauren O'Connell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xm1CLkbIOk
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