''Hello! May I please have an ounce of marshmallow root, and an ounce of stinging nettle?''.
''Sure, but...you have to tell me first!''.
''Okay...tell you what?''.
''You know; Did your period ever come back? I've been dying to find out!''.
Now to answer the burning question of both you and the local herbalist's, the answer is yes, my period did come back.
And yes, I am such a 'townie' that even the herbalist is keeping track of my sporadic cycles with intense (and surprising) enthusiasm.
I went in there right after Christmas, so less than a month ago. I was a regular for years, both there and the other herbal shop the next town ever.
Even though I am not religious, I like to blend medicinal teas reminiscent of biblical times, the ''Red Tent'' days and all of that.
My love affair with herbs began when I was 24 years old, as I walked past an herbal shop on my way to and from my job at a children's nursery outside of London, England. One day I had a migraine that lasted a week and would not shift.
I decided to stop in the herbal shop and see if they could help. The herbalist performed an Indian head massage on me and gave me some tea to drink. And like magic, my migraine shifted! I was a believer after that.
It was not until I was pregnant that I really began to ''get into it'', all things holistic.
After my first baby was born in 2010, I noticed my periods were very heavy. I did not have much post-partum time off, as I began a nannying job for a newborn in August which enabled me to bring my own newborn, only born in June, to work with me. My charge, the August newborn, had terrible colic and required me to walk around with him for hours on end. So at any given time I wore one baby in a carrier, and rocked the other, or had the other in a stroller, or swing. I was on the go constantly, only after having a baby myself and still healing.
My second baby was born in July 2012. She was a total surprise baby. To this day, I still don't even know how I became pregnant with her. I was at the university, totally engrossed in my studies, honor roll, an essay I wrote about the Suffrage Movement slotted for the school paper. I wasn't feeling great and went to the clinic on campus and was told I was pregnant and my due date was July 8, 2012. You could have knocked me over with a feather! My daughter was the greatest surprise of my whole life.
Anyway, she was my second vaginal delivery, and I breastfed her for 3.5 years. My period only came back about two years later, so I went almost three years without a period. It was terribly heavy. My doctor assured me that it was because my body was confused, did not know what to do. It would regulate itself, give it some time.
I went back to work, teaching high school history, in 2015. My cycles only worsened. Now I had horrific cramping, and my abdomen was distended. I had this petite frame with a swollen abdomen and felt like I looked pregnant. One day at a meeting with my Principal, he asked me when I would be needing maternity leave. He thought I looked pregnant, too. That was when I decided to see my OB/Gyn and find out what was going on.
My usual doctor was booked for a month, so I saw a new one. She examined me and did an ultrasound, diagnosing me with adenomyosis. She said that she believed during my first childbirth, my uterus was damaged with 'cracks' from pushing. Usually these cracks heal, but mine did not. In hindsight, I truly believe that this was because I was so active in my postpartum days when I should have been resting, but I will never know for sure. Anyway, the cracks only worsened after my second childbirth. What happens is, the cracks contain bits of tissue and fluid, and cause the uterus to become ''diseased'', ''boggy'', ''lake-like''. That is what causes the cramping and the swelling.
''So, how do we fix this?'', I asked, optimistically. Naively.
''There is no fixing it. There isn't a cure for this. The only thing I can suggest is a hysterectomy''.
''A what? A hysterectomy? Are you serious? I am 32 years old. I am not getting a hysterectomy''.
I mean, it seemed insane to me to remove my entire reproductive system over cracks in my uterus. Totally insane. And since western medicine was offering no feasible solution, I turned back to eastern medicine. When all else failed in the past, it was eastern medicine who swept in on a horse and saved me. I was willing to try it again.
I met with an acupuncturist. It was she who turned out to my savior. Not the fancy OB/Gyn in the white coat, in the large, swanky office with the shiny ultrasound equipment, and Big Pharma at the ready. It was her, a Little Old Lady, in this tiny, tucked away little office, with her bamboo plants and herbs.
She barely spoke English, but I could tell she was clearly the best acupuncturist in town. It was obvious she knew what she was doing, and her bedside manner was terrific. Very gentle, caring, nurturing. She had cards and letters from patients all over her office thanking her for helping them have babies, cure ailments, diseases. You name it. I had a good feeling about her and listened dutifully to everything she had to say.
She examined me top to bottom, paying special attention to my tongue.
''Not diseased. Just irritable. We need to calm, soothe. Not take away. We start now. Today.''
It was irritable. My uterus was irritable. It made sense. I needed to calm it, soothe it. Love it. Not take it away. It gave me two babies, and now here I was, angry with it for making me crampy and swollen and having heavy periods, when really, it was injured and just crying out for my attention. After all it had done for me, I think this was the least I could do. That first visit with the Little Old Lady had forever changed my perception of my body entirely.
First, she put me on a no-cold diet. Chi, our life force, is blocked by a plethora of things, including coldness. As a result, the areas of the body where the chi is blocked can become irritable. I had to drink as many hot liquids as possible, and have nothing colder than room temperature. Herbal teas would be my savior, especially red raspberry and nettle. They are very good at soothing the reproductive system.
Next, I had to keep my abdomen warm, never allowing it to get cold. I had to apply hot compresses to my abdomen as often as possible to get the blood circulating. I had a lot of hot baths, too. I massaged myself nightly with oil.
I began acupuncture, and noticed that when the needles went in everywhere they felt warm, but in my abdomen, the irritable part, it felt cold. The needles warmed up the area, but I could tell that was indeed where my chi was blocked. The epiphany had occurred.
It was at the time I also implemented yoni steam baths at home. I did these after every cycle to help clear myself out, help get everything out of the cracks. That was the only way the cracks would heal. I did this by boiling a pot of herbs, usually oregano, basil, raspberry leaf, nettle, black cohosh, and dandelion root. Then, I undress from the waist down, being sure to keep my feet warm. Having warm feet is essential. Next, I wrap myself up in a large blanket, as to keep the steam contained. I sit in a metal chair with a removeable seat, and set the pot of steaming herbs directly under my lady parts, thus allowing the steam to work its magic. I usually drink a cup of medicinal tea, such as raspberry, nettle, macha root, or a detox blend. I light candles, meditate, listen to music. I'd usually sit there for about thirty minutes, once a month.
After only one month of traditional Chinese medicine treatments and yoni steam baths, my cycle lessened and the cramping stopped! Two months later, and my swollen abdomen was almost normal and flat again. And three months later, I was pregnant with my third baby!
Naturally at my first ultrasound I said, ''How does my uterus look?''. My doctor said it was ''perfect'' and ''totally healthy''. No longer diseased, or boggy, or lake-like. Perfect. Totally healthy. And this was four months after being told there was no cure and I would need a hysterectomy.
My third child was born in October 2016, a healthy baby boy, delivered vaginally and unmedicated. This woman, who was a step away from a hysterectomy, had never been stronger or healthier in her whole life. Or so I thought...
It was six months later, while breastfeeding, that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I began chemotherapy right away, and my period did not come back until 8 months after I stopped treatment. So I went from January 2016 to March 2018 without a period, and when it came back it was at full force. Once again, I was told my body was confused, give it time to regulate itself. On PET scans and ultrasounds, my uterus still looked healthy.
My oncologist had me on an oral chemo, Xeloda, at this time, until September 2018, as a ''preventative'' to keep the cancer from coming back. So I had a cycle in March, again in April and May, nothing in June, July or August. My poor body. It was confused again.
In September it came back, and I believe I know why. I had spent the day with Glen, and I believe the rush of oxytocin from being around him awakened my sleeping reproductive system. I really, really do. I felt so comfortable with him, I even told him that. Ha! Most men would cringe at the thought of them making their girlfriends get their period, but I think he found it almost endearing in a way.
A week later I was off of Xeloda, and October and November came and went without a period.
It had been a few months earlier, in July, when I had seen my OB/Gyn, who checked my fertility levels. My FSH levels showed pre-menopause, but my estrogen levels were still normal.
''Honestly, I don't take these too seriously because you are still on chemo, and chemo messes everything up. Let's test again after you've been off of it for a few months. Your body has been pregnant, breastfed, on chemo, radiation, chemo again. It is so confused. Be patient. Give it some time. In the meantime, even if you aren't getting a period, you can still get pregnant and you can't be on birth control, so make sure you are being careful.'' I love when my doctors say that to me, ''Be careful''. As if I am an oblivious girl who doesn't understand how her body works. I find it almost condescending. My oncologist even says condoms aren't good enough and I should have my future lover get a vasectomy. Because that wouldn't be at all awkward; ''What are your thoughts on politics? Religion? Vasectomies?''. These doctors make me laugh sometimes. They really do.
The question was, how do I un-confuse my reproductive system? How do I wake it up for good?
I was off of my anti-cancer drug, tamoxifen, and got the all-clear to be on any herbal regime I wanted. I consulted my herbalists, and advised them of my situation and that I did not want anything to promote estrogen, but did want something to gently rustle my reproductive system from its medially-induced slumber.
This was three weeks ago. I started drinking ten cups of herbal tea a day, with about four of which being medicinal. So one cup of a special ''moon cycle'' tea, two cups of green macha root, two cups of detox, and four of my own blend of raspberry and nettle.
I started getting massages and chiropractic adjustments, applying hot compresses to my ovaries and massaging them. Waking them up.
I was supposed to start acupuncture, but the guy had cancelled twice. I am supposed to see him in three weeks. I cannot find the Little Old Lady anywhere. I am scheduled to see some 30-something named Matt. Matt. I really don't have as much faith in his authenticity compared with that of the Little Old Lady, but she taught me what the real deal is, so I am going to see Matt with an open mind.
And, lastly, yoni steam baths.
I did about four of them, twice a week, way more than the suggested once a month, but I can be an impatient creature and was keen to get things moving.
At first I began seeing discharge, and kept thinking, ''It's my period!". It wasn't.
Then, on December 30, 2018, I saw what was equivalent to a mirage in the desert- a slight tinge of blood.
Could it be?
I went to the bathroom an hour later, and there was more. Two hours later, I was wearing a full-fledged maxi pad. Needless to say by the time the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve 2019, I was in the throws of a real, honest to goodness period!
I am convinced it was the yoni steam baths that really got things moving, awakened my body. I think the teas and compresses and massages and everything else help, certainly. But I truly do believe that the yoni steam baths were the solidifier here.
The best part? It wasn't heavy. It was like a normal woman's period. It lasted six days, and was seemingly normal. It was like being reunited with an old friend. An old, normal friend.
In closing, I wish that I could track down the Little Old Lady and tell her how much she changed me life. Anyway, if by some miracle she ever reads this, thank you. You are a true healer, you have a rare and beautiful gift, and have made me look at the worst parts of my body with love and gratitude instead of bitterness and frustration. ''Thank you'' is entirely insufficient.
''Sure, but...you have to tell me first!''.
''Okay...tell you what?''.
''You know; Did your period ever come back? I've been dying to find out!''.
Now to answer the burning question of both you and the local herbalist's, the answer is yes, my period did come back.
And yes, I am such a 'townie' that even the herbalist is keeping track of my sporadic cycles with intense (and surprising) enthusiasm.
I went in there right after Christmas, so less than a month ago. I was a regular for years, both there and the other herbal shop the next town ever.
Even though I am not religious, I like to blend medicinal teas reminiscent of biblical times, the ''Red Tent'' days and all of that.
My love affair with herbs began when I was 24 years old, as I walked past an herbal shop on my way to and from my job at a children's nursery outside of London, England. One day I had a migraine that lasted a week and would not shift.
I decided to stop in the herbal shop and see if they could help. The herbalist performed an Indian head massage on me and gave me some tea to drink. And like magic, my migraine shifted! I was a believer after that.
It was not until I was pregnant that I really began to ''get into it'', all things holistic.
After my first baby was born in 2010, I noticed my periods were very heavy. I did not have much post-partum time off, as I began a nannying job for a newborn in August which enabled me to bring my own newborn, only born in June, to work with me. My charge, the August newborn, had terrible colic and required me to walk around with him for hours on end. So at any given time I wore one baby in a carrier, and rocked the other, or had the other in a stroller, or swing. I was on the go constantly, only after having a baby myself and still healing.
My second baby was born in July 2012. She was a total surprise baby. To this day, I still don't even know how I became pregnant with her. I was at the university, totally engrossed in my studies, honor roll, an essay I wrote about the Suffrage Movement slotted for the school paper. I wasn't feeling great and went to the clinic on campus and was told I was pregnant and my due date was July 8, 2012. You could have knocked me over with a feather! My daughter was the greatest surprise of my whole life.
Anyway, she was my second vaginal delivery, and I breastfed her for 3.5 years. My period only came back about two years later, so I went almost three years without a period. It was terribly heavy. My doctor assured me that it was because my body was confused, did not know what to do. It would regulate itself, give it some time.
I went back to work, teaching high school history, in 2015. My cycles only worsened. Now I had horrific cramping, and my abdomen was distended. I had this petite frame with a swollen abdomen and felt like I looked pregnant. One day at a meeting with my Principal, he asked me when I would be needing maternity leave. He thought I looked pregnant, too. That was when I decided to see my OB/Gyn and find out what was going on.
My usual doctor was booked for a month, so I saw a new one. She examined me and did an ultrasound, diagnosing me with adenomyosis. She said that she believed during my first childbirth, my uterus was damaged with 'cracks' from pushing. Usually these cracks heal, but mine did not. In hindsight, I truly believe that this was because I was so active in my postpartum days when I should have been resting, but I will never know for sure. Anyway, the cracks only worsened after my second childbirth. What happens is, the cracks contain bits of tissue and fluid, and cause the uterus to become ''diseased'', ''boggy'', ''lake-like''. That is what causes the cramping and the swelling.
''So, how do we fix this?'', I asked, optimistically. Naively.
''There is no fixing it. There isn't a cure for this. The only thing I can suggest is a hysterectomy''.
''A what? A hysterectomy? Are you serious? I am 32 years old. I am not getting a hysterectomy''.
I mean, it seemed insane to me to remove my entire reproductive system over cracks in my uterus. Totally insane. And since western medicine was offering no feasible solution, I turned back to eastern medicine. When all else failed in the past, it was eastern medicine who swept in on a horse and saved me. I was willing to try it again.
I met with an acupuncturist. It was she who turned out to my savior. Not the fancy OB/Gyn in the white coat, in the large, swanky office with the shiny ultrasound equipment, and Big Pharma at the ready. It was her, a Little Old Lady, in this tiny, tucked away little office, with her bamboo plants and herbs.
She barely spoke English, but I could tell she was clearly the best acupuncturist in town. It was obvious she knew what she was doing, and her bedside manner was terrific. Very gentle, caring, nurturing. She had cards and letters from patients all over her office thanking her for helping them have babies, cure ailments, diseases. You name it. I had a good feeling about her and listened dutifully to everything she had to say.
She examined me top to bottom, paying special attention to my tongue.
''Not diseased. Just irritable. We need to calm, soothe. Not take away. We start now. Today.''
It was irritable. My uterus was irritable. It made sense. I needed to calm it, soothe it. Love it. Not take it away. It gave me two babies, and now here I was, angry with it for making me crampy and swollen and having heavy periods, when really, it was injured and just crying out for my attention. After all it had done for me, I think this was the least I could do. That first visit with the Little Old Lady had forever changed my perception of my body entirely.
First, she put me on a no-cold diet. Chi, our life force, is blocked by a plethora of things, including coldness. As a result, the areas of the body where the chi is blocked can become irritable. I had to drink as many hot liquids as possible, and have nothing colder than room temperature. Herbal teas would be my savior, especially red raspberry and nettle. They are very good at soothing the reproductive system.
 |
| Brewing herbs. |
I began acupuncture, and noticed that when the needles went in everywhere they felt warm, but in my abdomen, the irritable part, it felt cold. The needles warmed up the area, but I could tell that was indeed where my chi was blocked. The epiphany had occurred.
It was at the time I also implemented yoni steam baths at home. I did these after every cycle to help clear myself out, help get everything out of the cracks. That was the only way the cracks would heal. I did this by boiling a pot of herbs, usually oregano, basil, raspberry leaf, nettle, black cohosh, and dandelion root. Then, I undress from the waist down, being sure to keep my feet warm. Having warm feet is essential. Next, I wrap myself up in a large blanket, as to keep the steam contained. I sit in a metal chair with a removeable seat, and set the pot of steaming herbs directly under my lady parts, thus allowing the steam to work its magic. I usually drink a cup of medicinal tea, such as raspberry, nettle, macha root, or a detox blend. I light candles, meditate, listen to music. I'd usually sit there for about thirty minutes, once a month.
After only one month of traditional Chinese medicine treatments and yoni steam baths, my cycle lessened and the cramping stopped! Two months later, and my swollen abdomen was almost normal and flat again. And three months later, I was pregnant with my third baby!
Naturally at my first ultrasound I said, ''How does my uterus look?''. My doctor said it was ''perfect'' and ''totally healthy''. No longer diseased, or boggy, or lake-like. Perfect. Totally healthy. And this was four months after being told there was no cure and I would need a hysterectomy.
My third child was born in October 2016, a healthy baby boy, delivered vaginally and unmedicated. This woman, who was a step away from a hysterectomy, had never been stronger or healthier in her whole life. Or so I thought...
It was six months later, while breastfeeding, that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I began chemotherapy right away, and my period did not come back until 8 months after I stopped treatment. So I went from January 2016 to March 2018 without a period, and when it came back it was at full force. Once again, I was told my body was confused, give it time to regulate itself. On PET scans and ultrasounds, my uterus still looked healthy.
My oncologist had me on an oral chemo, Xeloda, at this time, until September 2018, as a ''preventative'' to keep the cancer from coming back. So I had a cycle in March, again in April and May, nothing in June, July or August. My poor body. It was confused again.
In September it came back, and I believe I know why. I had spent the day with Glen, and I believe the rush of oxytocin from being around him awakened my sleeping reproductive system. I really, really do. I felt so comfortable with him, I even told him that. Ha! Most men would cringe at the thought of them making their girlfriends get their period, but I think he found it almost endearing in a way.
A week later I was off of Xeloda, and October and November came and went without a period.
It had been a few months earlier, in July, when I had seen my OB/Gyn, who checked my fertility levels. My FSH levels showed pre-menopause, but my estrogen levels were still normal.
''Honestly, I don't take these too seriously because you are still on chemo, and chemo messes everything up. Let's test again after you've been off of it for a few months. Your body has been pregnant, breastfed, on chemo, radiation, chemo again. It is so confused. Be patient. Give it some time. In the meantime, even if you aren't getting a period, you can still get pregnant and you can't be on birth control, so make sure you are being careful.'' I love when my doctors say that to me, ''Be careful''. As if I am an oblivious girl who doesn't understand how her body works. I find it almost condescending. My oncologist even says condoms aren't good enough and I should have my future lover get a vasectomy. Because that wouldn't be at all awkward; ''What are your thoughts on politics? Religion? Vasectomies?''. These doctors make me laugh sometimes. They really do.
The question was, how do I un-confuse my reproductive system? How do I wake it up for good?
I was off of my anti-cancer drug, tamoxifen, and got the all-clear to be on any herbal regime I wanted. I consulted my herbalists, and advised them of my situation and that I did not want anything to promote estrogen, but did want something to gently rustle my reproductive system from its medially-induced slumber.
This was three weeks ago. I started drinking ten cups of herbal tea a day, with about four of which being medicinal. So one cup of a special ''moon cycle'' tea, two cups of green macha root, two cups of detox, and four of my own blend of raspberry and nettle.
 |
I have 99 problems, but feeding my tea addiction is not one of them.
Don't forget the fresh ginger root!
|
I started getting massages and chiropractic adjustments, applying hot compresses to my ovaries and massaging them. Waking them up.
I was supposed to start acupuncture, but the guy had cancelled twice. I am supposed to see him in three weeks. I cannot find the Little Old Lady anywhere. I am scheduled to see some 30-something named Matt. Matt. I really don't have as much faith in his authenticity compared with that of the Little Old Lady, but she taught me what the real deal is, so I am going to see Matt with an open mind.
And, lastly, yoni steam baths.
 |
Be careful! You want the steam as close as
possible, but be careful that you don't burn yourself.
I find this to be a good distance.
|
I did about four of them, twice a week, way more than the suggested once a month, but I can be an impatient creature and was keen to get things moving.
At first I began seeing discharge, and kept thinking, ''It's my period!". It wasn't.
Then, on December 30, 2018, I saw what was equivalent to a mirage in the desert- a slight tinge of blood.
Could it be?
I went to the bathroom an hour later, and there was more. Two hours later, I was wearing a full-fledged maxi pad. Needless to say by the time the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve 2019, I was in the throws of a real, honest to goodness period!
I am convinced it was the yoni steam baths that really got things moving, awakened my body. I think the teas and compresses and massages and everything else help, certainly. But I truly do believe that the yoni steam baths were the solidifier here.
The best part? It wasn't heavy. It was like a normal woman's period. It lasted six days, and was seemingly normal. It was like being reunited with an old friend. An old, normal friend.
I find it enjoyable massaging my ovaries during the bath. Instead of my initial thought of, ''Wake up! Work!'', I remembered the Little Old Lady's wisdom and now say, as I gently put hot compresses and oil and massage them, ''You're okay. You're healthy. I am here for you. Everything is okay''. I actually talk to my ovaries. I really do. And calming them, their irritabilities, calms my own as well. For the first time since I have had cancer, I feel in tune with my body again. Truly.
My tea kettle is brewing and the herbs on the counter aren't going to boil themselves, so off I go. And no worries, I use a special pot for my yoni steam baths, so never fear if you find yourself as my dinner guest that the pasta you are eating came out of the same pot I steam my lady parts in. Rest assured they are two different entities entirely.
 |
Keep your feet warm! It is recommended that you
spend thirty minutes laying down afterward.
|
In closing, I wish that I could track down the Little Old Lady and tell her how much she changed me life. Anyway, if by some miracle she ever reads this, thank you. You are a true healer, you have a rare and beautiful gift, and have made me look at the worst parts of my body with love and gratitude instead of bitterness and frustration. ''Thank you'' is entirely insufficient.
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