Today has been good! Great, even.
My daughter turns 6 on July 3rd. She has been a little firecracker ever since she was born. She loves dancing, singing, drawing pictures, catching frogs, gardening, playing with animals. She's perfect.
There's a waterfall we frequent near our house, next to that old cemetery she likes hanging around in. She likes reading the tomb stones and leaving flowers there. But I decided to take her somewhere we hadn't been before. I found the Cascade Nature Preserve in Atlanta, with easy hiking and a waterfall and cave, so we packed some snacks, I put the baby on my back, and off we went.
I thought that maybe my impending divorce might have dampened the mood, but not in the slightest. In fact, I felt happy. Really happy.
We had a great time splashing around and climbing on slippery rocks and exploring old giant tree roots. We even looked out for some Civil War relics...the creek was the famous one from the Battle of Utoy Creek during Sherman's March to the Sea.
Before we even left, he complained about the floor being a mess (I mopped it two days ago).
I drove, since I usually volunteer to drive us around on his days off so His Majesty can rest, and evidently I should have been in the fast lane more often. I also speed down the driveway too fast.
He didn't like where on the counter I had the MacBook charging.
He didn't like me eating a sandwich while checking my email on the MacBook, although I've managed to work at a computer for years while eating lunch and have never had a mishap yet.
He complained about the bevy of bikini-clad young ladies at the waterfall, there for a photoshoot. ''Where am I supposed to look? They have everything just hanging out.''
To be fair, they did, but who cares? They aren't bothering anybody, and are clearly trying to capture a sultry look on these wet, steamy rocks, so what difference does it make to us?
He complained that it was a shame that the nature preserve was ''ghetto'' because a sign was missing and its post vandalized. It's still gorgeous...who cares about a missing sign?
He complained about the traffic on the way home. Atlanta traffic is the worst, but still. Complaining won't make the cars go any faster.
He complains a lot. It is quite annoying.
On the barometer of my life, a few things on the floor and driving in the middle lane and strangers taking pictures beside a waterfall are insignificant to me. I guess today was a reminder of how he and I differ in that regard. It was nice.
Anyway, we had a really awesome family day celebrating her birthday, and have more plans to do so during the holiday weekend. We are even staying over at a friend's house for their 4th of July party. So all is well. It really, really is. I feel pretty wonderful. Surprisingly so, actually.
He has currently taken the big kids to see Jurassic World, and I am here, on a Saturday night, baby asleep, after a long, relaxing shower, and pretty pink DIY manicure and pedicure, in my daughter's room (my new digs), quite content and happy. A lot of you said that after your divorces, you felt a sense of freedom. I didn't quite comprehend that until today. It occurred to me that it will be rather refreshing to not have someone complain constantly and just have quiet nights to myself for self-care and thoughtful reflection. It's actually a concept I have begun to grow quite fond of, as it gently replaces the feelings of sadness and uncertainty that have been plaguing me as of late.
My plans for the remainder of the evening include watching The Staircase on Netflix, reading more of Upton Sinclair's The Jungle, and having lots of raspberry tea under a cozy blanket. With my divorce looming overhead I was beginning to worry that I would find nights such as this lonesome, but today has left me feeling nothing but contentment and an eagerness for solitude, to allow my battered and weary soul to rest and replenish.
Your messages of support have been invaluable to me. It feels like when I was first diagnosed with cancer, and felt like I was drowning in a sea of despair and fear. And it was my cancer family who rescued me, who pulled me in and dried me off and took care of me during the hardest time of my life, and said, ''You can do this. It's going to hurt like hell, and it won't be pretty, but you can do this. And we are here for you.'' As I find myself in the throws of my next crisis, here you are again, with unwavering love and guidance and kindness. I am so grateful to you all. Truly. Thank you.
I received another piece of beautiful advice that I wanted to share before I love you and leave you.
''It sucks - SO MUCH - but the universe wastes nothing and your person is waiting for you. Sending so much love your way.''
''...but the universe wastes nothing and your person is waiting for you.'' God, I love that. Sending lots of love your way, too.
''If you knew my story word for word, had all of my history, would you go along with someone like me?''. **Link below to Young Folks cover by The Kooks.**
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3H65ek9ZKs
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