When I first got diagnosed with breast cancer, I read a piece entitled, ''The Perks of Having Cancer.''
The perks of having WHAT? Seriously? There are no perks... Not now. Not ever.
One of the ''perks'' which stuck out in my mind was how you learn who your true family and friends are. Three months in to this nightmare, I have found this resonating with me significantly.
I have not heard from certain family members. It took eight days after my diagnosis for me to speak to my own mother, and that was only because I called her to inform her I was starting chemotherapy the following day. ''Oh, I didn't know you were starting so soon.'' Really?
Initially I received a card from my mother and another from my brother. My brother also sent me a text message about two months later. I responded, he did not. That was it. In three months of being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing chemotherapy, I received one card and a text message from him.
Some friends I have known for several years I have barely heard from, if at all. These will be the same people who will invite me to their kid's birthday party, or make idiotic comparisons of my life-threatening cancer to their diabetes or polycystic ovarian syndrome or high cholesterol. Please don't minimize my incredibly serious disease, you asshole. You have absolutely no clue how insulting this is.
These kinds of people are who I like to call my fair weather friends.
They are great to make small talk with, meet up for play dates at the park, catch up with at holidays.
The times in you life when...the weather is fair.
Other people, the most unexpected people, have stepped up to the plate. Some of them I have known for years and years, others are acquaintances, and some are totally new in my life.
These people are my true friends. And there are many, so many, that they outnumber my fair weather friends by a mile.
A friend who I have not seen since elementary school 25 years ago who kindly ordered dinner for my family when I was too sick to cook.
My sweet, sweet friend who made me a special chemo bag with all kinds of goodies I would need to get me through my treatments, and a dainty pink bracelet that she surprised me with when she took me to chemo.
My sister in law who sent me beautiful head scarves to wear, a pretty toiletry bag to use at the hospital, and a cute eye mask to wear when I need rest.
A lovely old friend and co-worker who sent me healing crystals, shortbread, McVities Hob Nob cookies, and a Penguin movie for my kids, all the way from England!
A wonderful, amazing neighbor who watches my children when I need to go to an appointment or am too weak to take them all with me to the grocery store.
My thoughtful friend who brought me an adorable bag filled to brim with farm-fresh produce, jams and honey.
A very, very old, dear forever friend in the Netherlands who sent me a crystal angel to keep me company.
My best friend, who surprised me with a week-long visit from New York.
Fellow breast cancer sisters at the Young Survival Coalition, who regale me with their tales of survival as I work toward crafting a survivor tale of my own.
Shall I go on?
There truly are too many friends and family to list, because of the outpouring of love and kindness I have received in many forms; words-written and spoken, gestures, visits, meals, child care, cards, gifts, flowers.
If I did not specifically include you, I am sorry, but know that I am so grateful to have you in my life in whatever form that may be, near or far, consistent or inconsistent. Knowing you are there means the world to me, more than I could ever adequately express. Thank you.
As for my fair weather friends, I guess I'll see you at the next birthday party...
The perks of having WHAT? Seriously? There are no perks... Not now. Not ever.
One of the ''perks'' which stuck out in my mind was how you learn who your true family and friends are. Three months in to this nightmare, I have found this resonating with me significantly.
I have not heard from certain family members. It took eight days after my diagnosis for me to speak to my own mother, and that was only because I called her to inform her I was starting chemotherapy the following day. ''Oh, I didn't know you were starting so soon.'' Really?
Initially I received a card from my mother and another from my brother. My brother also sent me a text message about two months later. I responded, he did not. That was it. In three months of being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing chemotherapy, I received one card and a text message from him.
Some friends I have known for several years I have barely heard from, if at all. These will be the same people who will invite me to their kid's birthday party, or make idiotic comparisons of my life-threatening cancer to their diabetes or polycystic ovarian syndrome or high cholesterol. Please don't minimize my incredibly serious disease, you asshole. You have absolutely no clue how insulting this is.
These kinds of people are who I like to call my fair weather friends.
They are great to make small talk with, meet up for play dates at the park, catch up with at holidays.
The times in you life when...the weather is fair.
Other people, the most unexpected people, have stepped up to the plate. Some of them I have known for years and years, others are acquaintances, and some are totally new in my life.
These people are my true friends. And there are many, so many, that they outnumber my fair weather friends by a mile.
A friend who I have not seen since elementary school 25 years ago who kindly ordered dinner for my family when I was too sick to cook.
My sweet, sweet friend who made me a special chemo bag with all kinds of goodies I would need to get me through my treatments, and a dainty pink bracelet that she surprised me with when she took me to chemo.
My sister in law who sent me beautiful head scarves to wear, a pretty toiletry bag to use at the hospital, and a cute eye mask to wear when I need rest.
A lovely old friend and co-worker who sent me healing crystals, shortbread, McVities Hob Nob cookies, and a Penguin movie for my kids, all the way from England!
A wonderful, amazing neighbor who watches my children when I need to go to an appointment or am too weak to take them all with me to the grocery store.
My thoughtful friend who brought me an adorable bag filled to brim with farm-fresh produce, jams and honey.
A very, very old, dear forever friend in the Netherlands who sent me a crystal angel to keep me company.
My best friend, who surprised me with a week-long visit from New York.
Fellow breast cancer sisters at the Young Survival Coalition, who regale me with their tales of survival as I work toward crafting a survivor tale of my own.
Shall I go on?
There truly are too many friends and family to list, because of the outpouring of love and kindness I have received in many forms; words-written and spoken, gestures, visits, meals, child care, cards, gifts, flowers.
If I did not specifically include you, I am sorry, but know that I am so grateful to have you in my life in whatever form that may be, near or far, consistent or inconsistent. Knowing you are there means the world to me, more than I could ever adequately express. Thank you.
As for my fair weather friends, I guess I'll see you at the next birthday party...
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| My BFF and I on a waterfall adventure during her visit from N.Y. |
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