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Agony and the yew tree

Great news! I had my last dance with the Red Devil (adriamycin/cyoxan) four weeks ago. After four intense rounds, I really didn't think I was going to make it through. That's the reality, it was rough.

But, I did. I survived it. And do you know what the best part is? It worked! The Red Devil worked. My 3 cm. tumor is no longer palpable and the ultrasound showed it has withered away to nothing except a bit of tissue around the biopsy marker. So if you are reading this and thinking there is no way you will survive it, trust me, you will.

Here are some things which helped me-tremendously:

- Ginger ale and crackers. This was all I could consume for the first few days afterward.
- Sancuso patch. Sancuso patch. Sancuso patch. Did I mention the Sancuso patch? It is a miracle! This helped with my nausea more than anything and allowed me to function for the sake of my family; I could drive my children to school and care for my baby without feeling sick.
- By three days post-chemo, it was my worst day pain-wise (think flu-like pain) but I was also feeling peckish by now. Panera Bread's chicken noodle soup was heavenly. Something about it...just, good stuff.
- White toast with whipped butter. Normal Me would be the first to cry, ''WHITE bread and WHIPPED butter? You unhealthy bitch!''. But, Cancer Me could not bear any other type of bread, and soft butter just felt, I don't know, ugh. The texture just did not appeal to me.
- Help, help, and more help. I really struggled. I needed help with my kids. With my house. Everything. The first week was tough, but by the second week I felt great. I kid you not, really. But the first week post- chemo, I needed help. So when you're offered help, take it!

Now you are probably wondering what any of this has to do with a yew tree. Am I right?



No, this isn't a product of chemo-brain, the yew tree title is legit. I am now about to embark on my 7th chemo round- 3rd of taxol- which is derived from a pacific yew tree. Being a pretty holistic-minded person, this really appealed to me. I mean, I love trees, and this comes from a tree. Pretty awesome, right?

Agony. Sheer agony. It works-I mean, it is working!! And I am elated and grateful and appreciative beyond measure.

But the agony, wow...

How do I put this? Imagine being beaten repeatedly by a metal bat all over your body. While that has never happened to me, I expect that it feels kind of similar to taxol pain.

It was only 8 months ago that I had an intentional unmedicated childbirth (ironically because I don't like medicine) of which the memory of pain is still fresh in my mind and I can say with absolute certainty that the taxol pain is actually worse.

Since it is too hot here in Georgia for too many hot epsom salt baths, and I don't like taking medication unless I have to, I haven't been left with many options.

A pain medicine called tramadol helps a bit, taking the edge off just enough to not be in complete agony. I can drive and everything with it, too, which is great. Massage therapy helps a lot, too. I feel healed after a massage therapy session.

I have been trying to swim a lot as well, as I find gentle stretching helps keep fluidity in my sore limbs.

A few of my fingernails are not looking so good; the medicine can make them fall off, and some of my nail beds are receding to a worrisome level. At the advise of a breast cancer survivor and friend I am going to submerge my hands in ice for my last two rounds in an attempt to save my nails. My doctor scoffed at the idea, suggesting it was ''anecdotal'', which I suppose is easy to say when your nails aren't the ones on the chopping block.

Have I scared you? Sorry, that isn't my intention. I am a straight-talker, and this is how it is. At least for me. But the GREAT NEWS is that by 5 days post- chemo I feel pretty good, and 10 days post-chemo I feel absolutely wonderful. Still fatigued and tiring easily, but wonderful.

That's about as good as it gets in these kinds of situations.

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