Wigs and Things

''Hello! May I please have an ounce of marshmallow root, and an ounce of stinging nettle?''. ''Sure, but...you have to tell me first!''. ''Okay...tell you what ?''. '' You know ; Did your period ever come back? I've been dying to find out!''. Now to answer the burning question of both you and the local herbalist's, the answer is yes, my period did come back. And yes, I am such a 'townie' that even the herbalist is keeping track of my sporadic cycles with intense (and surprising) enthusiasm. I went in there right after Christmas, so less than a month ago. I was a regular for years, both there and the other herbal shop the next town ever. Even though I am not religious, I like to blend medicinal teas reminiscent of biblical times, the ''Red Tent'' days and all of that. My love affair with herbs began when I was 24 years old, as I walked past an herbal shop on my way to and from...

''I know it's not your fault, you are just a cog in this dysfunctional healthcare machine'', I said to the receptionist with tears in my eyes as I handed over most of what was left of my savings. ''Well, you could always wait and have your biopsy another day, when you have more money'', she said, as she begrudgingly accepted my fresh one hundred bills, straight from the bank. Eight of them. ''I have a suspicious lump, a history of invasive and aggressive cancer, and a high risk of recurrence. I can't wait.'' And so there I was, at the breast surgeon's office. I go there every three months for an ultrasound to monitor my lumps. I have several since my free tram surgery in August 2017. ''Usually I am fine with having you come back in three months, but with this one, even though I think it's scar tissue, I don't feel good enough about it to send you out of here without scheduling a biopsy'', the n...

' 'For I dipped into the future, far as human eye could see, saw the vision of the world, and all the wonder that could be .'' - Tennyson. As one often does with the ushering in of a new year, I have found myself more thoughtful than usual. Reflecting. Pondering. Tennyson's words echoing in my mind; ''... all the wonder that could be .'' Today is the first sunny day we have had for weeks here on the East Coast, and while I have thoroughly enjoyed the cold, foggy damp of late, even I will admit that sunshine is a welcomed change. It reminds me that you never realize how much you enjoy something until you have gone without it. This sentiment, of course, is also applicable to people. When we last left off, I mentioned I thought I may have found Rupert. I couldn't help but laugh to myself recently when I scored a free National Geographic magazine at the local library for him from his birth year-1975-which even a featured article about his mothe...

Well, friends...I am divorced ! It was officially official as of September 12, 2018. Can you believe it?  I wanted to conduct a social experiment and write on my back windshield, ''Just Divorced'' instead of ''Just Married'' as a joke to see the responses, but my ex-husband hated the idea. Reserved British type and all, he would just about die from mortification. The last few weeks living together were sheer hell . Emotional, mental hell. I was leaving my dream home...my DREAM HOME! Am I crazy ? I am starting this new life. Am an idiot ? What am I doing ? I asked myself these questions daily, until the doubt haunted me. I wasn't sleeping, I could barely eat. I didn't feel at home anymore, my things packed away in boxes. I felt like I was being kicked out of my home, the house I found, the house I helped restore. It was one of the most depressing, soul-destroying times of my life. Truly. And then, I found my new dream home. An adorable, 19...

During the course of my life, I have endured the stages of grief many a time. Enough to know how to recognize them when they hit me like ferocious waves. I have finally reached the acceptance stage. Acceptance of my breast cancer. Acceptance of never breastfeeding again. Acceptance of losing my breasts. My hair. Acceptance of the fear of recurrence stalking me like an invisible monster. And, finally... Acceptance of my divorce. One day it just hit me; calm. The sense of calm. I stopped crying everyday. I stopped feeling angry, hurt, resentful. I just let it all go, washed away with the waves. I honestly don't know how I came to this point, it just...happened. I just woke up and felt like this. Never in my life have felt more relief . I think a solidifying factor for me was the continued discussion of the house, when my children's father said about them possibly having to change schools if I cannot afford a house in this area: ''Well, it'...

A reader of Wigs and Things who has been following my sordid tale said something interesting to me the other day regarding my divorce: '' Let go or be dragged. '' I read that remark in the morning on my way to work. When I arrived I had a meeting, in which the facilitator had a tattoo on her arm which said, ''Let it go''. After that I went to another meeting, and there was a poster on the wall which read, ''Yesterday was yesterday. Today is today. Let go.'' I think at the moment I am being dragged. My body feels exhausted. I have trouble sleeping. I have no appetite. I have knots in my stomach. My mind is weary and all over the place. Am I making a huge mistake? I have resorted back to my ''I hate cancer'' mentality. It ruined my life. Really, it did. I feel like I died on April 19, 2017. The day of my diagnosis. The person who I was died that day. I had never hyperventalated before then. I kind of ...

Hello, friends... I apologize my absence; I started my new job teaching 7th grade a couple of weeks ago, and this past Wednesday was the first day of school so life has been crazier than usual. A week before I stated my job, I asked my kind of/sort of ex-husband to leave our home. He stayed with friends for nearly a week before coming home. Why? Well, as you may recall he met someone nicknamed ''German'' when he went out the day until 4 a.m. the day after our divorce papers were filed. I asked him not to pursue her  or stay out past midnight while we were still married and living together, I told him it hurt me and made me very upset and I was worried about the stress of it all, coupled with going back to work, divorcing, moving, and raising the kids, would make my cancer come back. He looked me in the eyes and said, ''I understand. I won't''. Two days later on Friday he stayed out until 2:40 a.m. I thought surely he would not have seen her, I ...