Wigs and Things

Well, friends...I am divorced ! It was officially official as of September 12, 2018. Can you believe it?  I wanted to conduct a social experiment and write on my back windshield, ''Just Divorced'' instead of ''Just Married'' as a joke to see the responses, but my ex-husband hated the idea. Reserved British type and all, he would just about die from mortification. The last few weeks living together were sheer hell . Emotional, mental hell. I was leaving my dream home...my DREAM HOME! Am I crazy ? I am starting this new life. Am an idiot ? What am I doing ? I asked myself these questions daily, until the doubt haunted me. I wasn't sleeping, I could barely eat. I didn't feel at home anymore, my things packed away in boxes. I felt like I was being kicked out of my home, the house I found, the house I helped restore. It was one of the most depressing, soul-destroying times of my life. Truly. And then, I found my new dream home. An adorable, 19...

During the course of my life, I have endured the stages of grief many a time. Enough to know how to recognize them when they hit me like ferocious waves. I have finally reached the acceptance stage. Acceptance of my breast cancer. Acceptance of never breastfeeding again. Acceptance of losing my breasts. My hair. Acceptance of the fear of recurrence stalking me like an invisible monster. And, finally... Acceptance of my divorce. One day it just hit me; calm. The sense of calm. I stopped crying everyday. I stopped feeling angry, hurt, resentful. I just let it all go, washed away with the waves. I honestly don't know how I came to this point, it just...happened. I just woke up and felt like this. Never in my life have felt more relief . I think a solidifying factor for me was the continued discussion of the house, when my children's father said about them possibly having to change schools if I cannot afford a house in this area: ''Well, it'...

A reader of Wigs and Things who has been following my sordid tale said something interesting to me the other day regarding my divorce: '' Let go or be dragged. '' I read that remark in the morning on my way to work. When I arrived I had a meeting, in which the facilitator had a tattoo on her arm which said, ''Let it go''. After that I went to another meeting, and there was a poster on the wall which read, ''Yesterday was yesterday. Today is today. Let go.'' I think at the moment I am being dragged. My body feels exhausted. I have trouble sleeping. I have no appetite. I have knots in my stomach. My mind is weary and all over the place. Am I making a huge mistake? I have resorted back to my ''I hate cancer'' mentality. It ruined my life. Really, it did. I feel like I died on April 19, 2017. The day of my diagnosis. The person who I was died that day. I had never hyperventalated before then. I kind of ...

Hello, friends... I apologize my absence; I started my new job teaching 7th grade a couple of weeks ago, and this past Wednesday was the first day of school so life has been crazier than usual. A week before I stated my job, I asked my kind of/sort of ex-husband to leave our home. He stayed with friends for nearly a week before coming home. Why? Well, as you may recall he met someone nicknamed ''German'' when he went out the day until 4 a.m. the day after our divorce papers were filed. I asked him not to pursue her  or stay out past midnight while we were still married and living together, I told him it hurt me and made me very upset and I was worried about the stress of it all, coupled with going back to work, divorcing, moving, and raising the kids, would make my cancer come back. He looked me in the eyes and said, ''I understand. I won't''. Two days later on Friday he stayed out until 2:40 a.m. I thought surely he would not have seen her, I ...

Today is better! As was yesterday! Firstly, I saw my therapist in the morning, who, when I told her about my ex's insensitivity about already staying out all night with another woman the day after we filed our divorce papers (insert salt-in-wound here), said simply, and I am paraphrasing here, ''Are you really surprised? After all, wasn't it his lack of empathy that brought you to this point in the first place? He can't help it, you know that. This is just who he is. He doesn't mean for it to be that way, but still, it hurts you. This is why it isn't working anymore.'' Pattern of behavior . In the clear light of day, I realized that. He genuinely is oblivious that doing such a thing would be hurtful to me, just as he was oblivious that all of the other things were hurtful to me, too. I have learned you cannot teach a person empathy, either it is something they possess or it is something they do not. Lastly, I arrived at the yoga studio at 6:1...

The last few days have been rough, friends... On Friday the lawyer finally got around to officially filing our divorce papers. So even though we aren't legally divorced until early-mid August, for all intents and purposes we are divorced. On Saturday, my ex went out. We had decided to start implementing the his Saturday/my Saturday now, so we are used to the routine when I move out. That was his Saturday. He went out from 6 p.m. to 4 a.m. He took an uber, wore his new shirt he bought earlier that day, new hair gel in his hair. He has never in the 12 years I have known him stayed out until 4 a.m., except for that time we were at a Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan in 2007. The early hours of the Full Moon Party Koh Phangan, Thailand, February 2007 At 2:45 a.m. I woke up to get my daughter water and saw he wasn't home. I called, and he didn't answer. I texted saying I was worried, and he replied saying he was on his way home. He didn't say where he was. At...

''The girl who had cancer, I really like her. She's pretty cool''. ''The girl who had cancer likes you, too'', I replied, overhearing a comment made by the friend of a friend at her 4th of July party yesterday. ''Oh my God, I am so sorry. I didn't know you were right there'', she responded. ''Sorry about what? The part where you said that you like me, or the part or where you said I was pretty cool? Or the cancer part? It's okay, I mean I did have cancer...''. It made me wonder how often I am privately referred to as ''The Girl Who Had Cancer.'' Like when I go into the diner, do they say, ''Oh yeah, she comes in all the time. She had cancer ''. Or at my kid's school, do they say, ''That's so-and so's mom. You know, the one who had cancer ''. I feel like a Scarlett letter has been placed upon me forever. My new job doesn't know that ...