Wigs and Things

On September 5th I will be turning 35 years old. I have asked for our divorce to occur before then, so that I can start my next trip around the sun off without any lingering feelings or doubts. I keep waiting for a ''Come to Jesus'' moment, but it isn't happening. I keep waiting for someone to ''talk me down'', too, but that isn't happening either. Instead the few people I have told just say, ''Well, I am here for you'', or ''You'll be fine'', or ''I'll help you shop for your new house and we'll find cool stuff at Goodwill!''. Only one person, my best friend who is also my age and also divorced, has forewarned me about the potential nightmare to come, and that it won't be as easy as I think it is going to be. I have decided to go with a yellow and white theme for my new kitchen. I received this pretty  vintage apron  from a friend during my ''Thanks for the Mammories...

Do you know those kinds of people who get really excited and jump up and down and squeal? Well, I hate to admit this, but...I am one of those people. I bought Tibetan prayer flags the same day I was offered my job. And started setting up materials for the Creation Station. Now that the ink is dry on my contract I can share my good news... I have been hired to teach 7th grade World Studies! Me, my crazy curls, and our teaching contract,  May 9, 2018 Are you jumping up and down, too? Squealing? Anything ? Regardless, I know you are happy for me. I will be teaching the 2nd year of World Studies, focusing on Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. I happen to love Asia and have backpacked around India and Thailand, so this is particularly exciting for me. I've already bought dry goods and other items from the African, Indian, and Japanese markets and have begun setting up displays for my classrooms. And making the Creation Station, for when we work on political posters...

Do you know there is a name for that warm, squishy, cozy, lovely feeling you get when you are absolutely totally enamored with someone? It's called limerence.  Surviving cancer made me realize I was missing limerence from my life. I have lots of love, certainly, but not limerence. It made me look at my marriage like how I look at my breasts; everything looks perfect on the outside, but upon closer inspection something that was once there is not there anymore. In essence, my marriage has become like my missing nipples. Now do I need nipples for my breasts to function? No. They can fit into a bra, and live on my chest quite comfortably without nipples, thank-you-very-much. Do I need limerence for my marriage to function? No, not really. As my eventual ex-husband said, '' Maybe that magical feeling you want doesn't exist. Maybe no one has that. Isn't it enough for us to just love each other, and be happy, and raise our family together ?'' I think ...

This entry is dedicated to Jessica Nicholls from Sonoma, California.  She died on May 5, 2018 from a pulmonary embolism at 27 years old, a few days after she was told her breast cancer had returned and metastasized.  S he was NED (No Evidence of Disease) for over a year after being diagnosed with the same type of breast cancer I had, IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma), stage 3 whereas I was stage 2. Her last post on our cancer group's site is still ringing in my ears;  ''I am metastatic...liver and spine.'' I bought her vegan lip balm over the weekend and planned on tying it up with a fancy ribbon today and mailing it to her with a little note to cheer her up. I went on Facebook to get her address and learned that she died. She died, just like that. She went into the hospital with a nosebleed on Thursday, the same day she learned she was metastatic, and she died. It happened that fast. Instead of lip balm, I mailing a toy for her beloved dog, and some...

''I am not cutting them. They are too beautiful to cut. Besides, you don't even need a haircut. You are going through the, umm...awkward phase. Let's just play around with some bobby pins and it will look really cute.''  It was at 34 years old that I discovered I had been using bobby pins incorrectly my whole life. It was like the time I found out I had been spelling ''insignificant'' with a g instead of a c for years. I have never been to a hairstylist who flat-out refused to cut my hair. She could have trimmed it 1/8 of an inch and still charged me $50, but she was honest, and I like honesty. I have been seeing her for quite awhile now, and sometimes I think she has a bit of a girl crush on me; she calls me, ''Lover'', spends an awfully long time massaging my head and my neck (which feels great, so no complaints here), says she loves me and needs me in her life. In a joking, platonic kind of way. Right? Today I went b...

I spend my Fridays in jail. Voluntarily. Without being paid. And I enjoy it. Really. ''Didn't you wear that last week?'' ''Didn't you wear that last week. In fact, don't you wear that everyday ?''. Ahh, jail banter... Today was my last Friday at the jail. I have been helping out with the GED program, grading TABE (Test for Adult Basic Education), which tell the GED teacher what grade level the student (or ''offender'') is on for each subject. The school year is winding down, the students are testing over the next few weeks, and after that, well, let's just say I may be busy with a new professional opportunity. Some students - ''offenders'' - had as low as a 2nd grade reading level. How are we ever going to prevent recidivism (re-entering back into the system) if a person is expected to return to society with a 2nd grade reading level? I mean, is it any surprise they revert back to thei...

Before we go any further, let's get one thing straight: You're singing Placebo in your head right now, aren't you? I would apologize, but actually it's a pretty cool song, so instead I'll just say, ''You're welcome.'' Today I start my third cycle of the oral chemo pill, Xeloda. It is being hailed as a miracle drug in the cancer world, with the idea that it will ''pull a Liam Neeson'', finding cancer hiding anywhere in the body, and killing it. It is especially good for pre-menopausal, triple negative ladies like myself, who are often left with few options to help prevent a recurrence since our breast cancers were not fed by hormones. I am taking Tamoxifen anyway for 5 years, since technically my cancer was 2% estrogen positive.  Speaking of pre-menopausal, something unexpected happened today. As my Nana would have called it, my ''monthly'' returned. Yay?! Would I sound crazy if I said I was actually deligh...