Wigs and Things

Okay, I admit it: I am supposed to be massaging my new breasts daily with vitamin e oil and I don't. '' Really get in there, and it will break up that scar tissue and soften it up '', said the Physican's Assistant. I don't want to ''get in there''. I don't mind the soft, squishy part that feels like a natural breast, but I cannot bring myself to touch the hard, lumpy, weird parts where all of the scar tissue is. Literally, I cannot stomach it. I don't know if it's because it reminds me of when I found my tumor, or because it's just a general reminder that these aren't my natural breasts. All I know is that it  freaks me out . Let me be clear: I have a free tram reconstruction. For those of you deciding on getting reconstruction and are a candidate for free tram, I highly recommend it. If you decide on going flat, there are great resources, too, such as my friend's Facebook page ''Flat in Canada'' a...

God, I really hope my new co-workers like puns as much as I do... In all seriousness, though, one of the great things about being a teacher is that you can be around other nerds and be nerdy together. Today I was invited to attend the post-planning breakfast at my new middle school where I met my new co-workers. They were so warm and welcoming! The whole school is being renovated over the summer with new LED lighting, ceilings, paint, and touch screen t.v.'s. And I could not love my new classroom anymore! It is enormous, has an exterior glass door, huge window with a view of trees, and is right across from the bathroom. Win! My view: Trees. TREES!   Additionally, I will only be teaching 4 classes (my last teaching role was 5), one ''prep'' (subject), World Studies (my last role had 3 preps), and my first two periods are planning periods (I only had one planning period last time). My commute is 20 minutes, and on Wednesdays they have a full c...

Friends, can you believe that Wigs and Things is one year old ? Thank you everyone for your support, for reading my jumble of words, for encouraging me and making me feel like I am not alone on this bizarre journey. You are invaluable to me, and I will be forever grateful for the love and kindness you have shown me. For anyone who has ever responded to my blog by saying, '' You put into words exactly what I was feeling, but could never figure out how to s ay.'' '' If you are ever in ______, let me know because I want us to meet!'' '' This is how I have felt so many times, too.'' ...and lots of other kind things, thank you. For your companionship. For making me feel like I am not crazy. For helping me through the most challenging, gut-wrenching, isolating time of my life. On the hard days, it means more than I could ever say. As a thank you, I have made a lovely lemon and hibiscus sugar scrub. It's made with...

My oncologist only sends his ''No Evidence of Disease'' patients for scans if they become symptomatic. To make you feel like even more of a leper, they keep this sign over the toilet at the Cancer Center. I can't help but wonder, ''Why the hell is it crumpled?''. I bet someone got pissed off one day and did that.   Today he ordered a bone scan for me. Fuck . Fuck, fuck, fuck. I went in today for my routine labs, and mentioned how my hands are itchy, swollen, and red from the Xeloda. I also mentioned that I no longer have fingerprints (a temporary side effect from my skin thinning). My hands are hot, red, itchy, swollen,  totally devoid of fingerprints, and gripping anything is torturous. Good times. He was all, ''We can lower your dose again.'' Then I mentioned the dull ache in my mid-spine, as he was reading my lab results. His tune changed to, ''Let's give you another week off from Xeloda, order a bon...

Edited: In Loving Memory of Wendy Buers of Vancouver, Canada, who passed away a few hours after this was published on May 21, 2018. I can't wait to bike that seawall for you in September.  Have you ever heard of the invisible red thread? There is an old Chinese proverb that says, ''An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.' ' This has been on my mind a lot lately, as I think about all of the people who have come and gone from my life. I think it actually remarkable, that my threads have connected me to so many people who have shaped me in all different kinds of ways. This September, I was supposed to stay with a friend, Wendy, from the cancer world at her home in Vancouver. ' 'My kids are moving out soon, and I will have plenty of room. Come and stay here, as long as you don't mind pets. I even have an extra bike; when...

''There's nothing wrong with me getting a little drunk and looking on Match.Com just to see who's out there. I wasn't going to actually pursue anyone anyway, I am just curious for the the future . Besides, there aren't many attractive women around here, it is slim-pickings. You'll probably end up with someone great, like Professor Twatface. He will have some amazing vocabulary, and wear a cardigan with patches on the elbows, and Birkenstocks, and carry a satchel. I bet he'll even drive a Prius. You can wear your Birkenstocks together and sit around analyzing books .'' I have to hand it to my husband, he is brutally honest. While he calls my fictious future boyfriend Professor Twatface, I call his fictious future girlfriend Sally. Ironically enough, I, too, carry a sachel and have always wanted a cardigan with patches on the elbow, but I didn't remind him of that. ''I want it in our paperwork that ''Mommy's friend...

I am not sure how I am feeling today... Yesterday I took this picture of my 5 year old daughter, who hates getting up for school. She says lots of cute things, like... '' I am full of hands' ' when her hands are full. And also, '' Can you inside out this for me? '' when her clothes are inside out. When she wants more sleep she says, '' Just a little more whiles .'' My daughter and I a year ago today  May 16, 2017 Unbeknownst to me, while she was asking for a little more whiles, a few miles down the road from our house, a teacher at her school was driving to work at the exact same time that a sheriff's deputy fell asleep behind the wheel. She died almost instantly in a head-on collision. Her husband got there before she died, but she was so torn apart they wouldn't let him see her. I feel like there has been a lot of death happening lately, and that coupled with what would have been my brother's 31st bir...